


BITE

by softency



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Bring Back Old Fic Themes Please I Love Them, Hanahaki But Make It Even More Emotional, Hanahaki Disease, I'm Going To Hurt You, Im Jaebum | JB-Centric, M/M, Slow Romance, Temporarily Unrequited Love, You'll Understand When It's Brought Up, blood and gore tw, but not in the way you'd expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 11:47:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24969181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softency/pseuds/softency
Summary: All he can do now is laugh bitterly with blood-stained teeth, crouched over a trash can. Soulmates, he thinks back to himself, that’s what they’ve said for a while now, so why now is this happening?-He makes a small sound in his throat, tilting his head back enough to let Jinyoung pour water into his mouth. He swallows even though it hurts like hell, gasping lightly when the water clears up most of his throat and the stray petals mix with the water and flow down to his stomach, away from his lungs.“I’m sorry.” He rasps out once he feels his airways loosen enough to speak, his body exhausted again.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 7
Kudos: 121





	BITE

**Author's Note:**

> i'm FINALLY back, i took a long break just bc life picked up.  
> i'm a sucker for hanahaki aus and basically no one writes them anymore, so i took it into my own hands lol.  
> hope you like it! <3
> 
> PRETTY BIG BLOOD AND GORE TW HERE; it's Hanahaki, blood is unavoidable.

Jaebum didn’t realize it had already begun.

They’ve always been close. It’s always been the two of them against the world. Even when five others came into their life and turned their pair into an enormous family, his entire being still gravitates towards him. 

  
All he can do now is laugh bitterly with blood-stained teeth, crouched over a trash can. _Soulmates,_ he thinks back to himself, _that’s what they’ve said for a while now, so why_ now _is this happening?_

With it out now in the open to Jaebum, his body obviously having to take this into its own control, it’s like his vision has finally cleared enough to see why this is happening.

For all these years he knew he liked Jinyoung, loved his company and felt at ease around him, but he never registered _how much_ he enjoyed being around him. It was all just so easy, maybe easy enough to trick his entire being, including the stupid plant inside of him, that it wasn’t love, he was just _happy,_ not in love. 

Never, it could _never_ be love.

  
  


Living in the same apartment as Jinyoung was probably the thing that did him in. 

He’d woke up one morning before Jinyoung for once, figuring since he’s hungry he should just order for Jinyoung too.

It’s nothing that was out of the ordinary, just something he did out of habit.

The other had stayed up nearly all night, presumably. When Jaebum went to bed he was still typing something out on his computer. He has to be exhausted. 

But when he woke Jinyoung up, shaking his shoulder with one hand and Chinese takeout in the other, the sleepy grin he got made his heart freeze.

“You got this for me ‘Beom?” Jinyoung murmurs, still trying to shake off sleep as he sits up, his voice dangerously husky. 

Jaebum has to stop his hands from shaking, setting Jinyoung’s box on the nightstand, trying to avoid looking at how perfectly disheveled Jinyoung looks. The other’s hair is a mess on the top of his head, lips pouting a bit as he rubs his eyes.

Pain blooms across his ribs, and that’s the very moment was the last nail in his coffin.

That’s the last push it took for Jaebum to fall into the deep end and begin drowning. 

  
  


After the first appearance of orchids, Jaebum becomes vividly aware of how they act around each other. 

He’s now aware of how he will scold and fuss at the other guys if they make a jab at him, but when Jinyoung does it, he can’t even force himself to replicate that act. Jinyoung will grin at him, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes before he calls Jaebum out on something, anything honestly. Jaebum can’t manage to do more than whine and make a fuss at best, but on the worst days he can’t help but stare after him in wonder, a smile that showcases how much control Jinyoung has over him appearing on his lips. 

Even sitting on the opposite sides of a room they can still manage to look at each other at the same time, and Jinyoung makes a face, scrunching up his nose with a smile, and it sends Jaebum’s mind spinning and his chest aching. 

He never knew love would hurt so badly.

Jaebum makes it to the eleven months mark _somehow_.

Eleven months with no one noticing.

Eleven months staring down at purple orchid petals that are slowly getting bloodier and bloodier. 

Eleven months of the ache in his chest becoming a normal feeling.

He refuses to attempt to fall out of love with Jinyoung, and he refuses to stay away or avoid him in any way if he can manage it.

Sometimes he wonders if this is all worth it.

It’s mostly in times where he is like he is right now, stuck locked in a bathroom sitting in front of the toilet bowl. 

It hurts, it hurts _so badly._

He knows it’s been getting horribly worse, he _knows,_ but until this takes him out for good, he has his priorities. He’s never put himself first, he has to make sure everyone else is all right and safe before he can even allow himself time to do this, to get the flowers out of his airway that have been gathering there all day. He’s gotten good at hiding it and masking the cough; if he just clears his throat he can keep them down without the need to vomit them up. It’s probably worse for him in the long run, but the weight of them in his throat has become familiar. 

Jaebum also knows Jinyoung has noticed something is off about him. 

It’s the start of the last month of this, and he knows he won’t make it past this month if it continues on this path of destruction. 

Not when he’s sitting here with more than a handful of flowers in front of him, the water already a dangerous pink from the blood that they came up with. 

They’re out at a cafe with everyone when Jaebum realizes something has changed. 

He’s cleared his throat three times since they left their apartment, but none of them have made the petals become idly stuck again. 

He reaches for his coffee and brings it to his lips before nearly spitting out the coffee.

That’s when Jaebum finally gets up, excusing himself to the single person bathroom that the cafe offers. 

It’s a blur. Everything moves in a blur and before he knows it Jaebum is crouched over the toilet gagging over more petals than he’s ever experienced come up before.

“Jaebum? Can you open the door for me?” 

Jaebum’s blood goes ice cold, panic slamming into him, making him lift his head from where it was leaning against the tub. 

“Uh, I’ll be out in a-.. a few minutes.” He tries to say, but a cough wracks through his frame in the middle of speaking.

“Jaebum, I’ve seen the petals. Just open the door.” Jackson says, his voice turning hard, and Jaebum completely freezes. 

_Well,_ he thinks, _it’s better for this to be Jackson than anyone else, he doesn’t think any of the others would be able to mentally handle this right now._

“I’m okay, just go back to the others.” He insists, but his voice comes out breathy and weak. He knows for a fact that he’s getting weaker in general, it doesn’t take much for him to get exhausted these days.

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me, I’m the first to notice, aren’t I?” Jackson insists, not budging and Jaebum is tired. Way too tired to argue about this, and Jackson is the type to wait in front of the bathroom door all day and night and all the next day if Jaebum doesn’t listen. 

So he does.

He manages to somehow get to his feet, not realizing how wrecked he must look with blood around his mouth now drying and the makeup he hasn’t removed yet from the day they had completely smudged around his eyes. 

When he opens the door Jackson immediately slips inside, shutting it behind him, creating a barrier between them and the rest of the group in case they come to check where both of them went.

The moment Jackson takes a good look at Jaebum, though, his own face pales. 

“You’re… You’re already dying, aren’t you..?” Jackson speaks, but this time his voice is deadly quiet, sounding terrified, and _this_ is why he never spoke up about it. This is why he didn’t want it to come out, Jackson looks terrified at what’s happening to Jaebum. 

“I’ll be okay, it’s just been a long day.” Jaebum lies expertly through his teeth, lowering himself back down to lean back against the wall, exhaustion settling into his bones and weighing him down. 

He barely registers Jackson closing the lid of the toilet and flushing all the evidence there down, making sure no one else would find anything. It doesn’t take long for him to gather Jaebum into his arms, hugging him close like Jaebum is just going to disappear into thin air in the next seconds.

“Who is it?” He asks, his voice tiny compared to what it sounded like when he was outside. Jaebum welcomes the other’s body heat, leaning into his frame. He just shakes his head, not wanting to get into that, not wanting that to ever get out. It would ruin everything, it would destroy their group if they knew Jaebum was dying because of one of their friends. “Is it me?” Jaebum shakes his head. “Do I know them?” This time Jaebum hesitates, not knowing if he should even give _any_ information to Jackson, because he’s the type of person who will try _anything_ to fix things for others. “Okay, I’ll take that as a yes. Are they… Are they one of us?” He asks, and Jaebum stays silent. The steady ache in his chest won’t let him try to deny that. “Jaebum…” He begins but trails off, and Jaebum doesn’t want to know what he’s thinking, because he sounds like he realized something. “If it’s… How long have you had this? Don’t even try to lie, I need answers if I’m going to help you.” 

Jaebum draws in a shaky breath, making his lungs ache enough for him to have to cough just out of the itchy feeling. No petals coming up this time. “I’m on my last month.” He admits in a soft whisper, not feeling anywhere near capable of admitting that out loud any louder than that.

Jackson immediately tenses up, and Jaebum wants to rewind time and take that back, because that means Jackson knows how long he actually has left and what will happen. 

“It’s him, isn’t it? You’ve been avoiding him today.” He says, and it’s not at all phrased like a question, it’s more like Jackson is putting the puzzle pieces together in his mind, just voicing it out loud. “It’s Jinyoung.”

At the sound of the other’s name Jaebum reels, feeling the familiar need to vomit up from his lungs slam into him again. He scrambles to sit up, barely opening the lid quick enough to let the bloodied orchids fall from his mouth. It sends him into a coughing fit; his breathing constricted at the feeling of the new scratches on his windpipe. 

The moment Jaebum moves away from him though Jackson is right back beside him in a split second, a hand rubbing his back comfortingly. He sits there in silence while Jaebum tries to recover from the violent attack, slowly but surely regaining his breathing. 

“You need to talk to him, he’ll understand.” Jackson says softly, and Jackson shakes his head quickly, the movement making him incredibly dizzy after. “Jaebum, _talk to him-”_

“He’ll hate me.” He murmurs, interrupting him before he can go any further. “If the others find out they’ll be mad, and if they find out it’s _him_ then everything will fall apart in the group.” 

“This isn’t the time to put on your facade, _you’re dying Jaebum.”_ Jackson hisses, and Jaebum thinks this is the first time he’s ever had Jackson’s anger directed towards him in all of the years they’ve known each other. “You’re _dying,_ and the others deserve to know. We’re a family.” 

The words shouldn’t sting as much as they do, but the way he says _we’re a family_ makes Jaebum’s heart constrict enough to draw out a sob from him. 

“When I’m gone you’re in charge, I trust you to take care of them.” Jaebum says in a soft whisper, letting Jackson maneuver him back again to cradle him against his chest. 

“You’re not dying on me, even if I have to take this into my own hands, you’re _not_ leaving us.” Jackson says, his voice as hard as steel, and it’s convincing enough for Jaebum to temporarily get comfort out of it, even if the voice in the back of his head is whispering that it’s no use.

Jaebum makes it through most days with suppressing the flowers, only allowing himself the safe space once a day to purge the vile things from his body.

Most of the time it’s deep in the morning hours and Jaebum’s guilt gnaws at him because every single time he needs to do it Jackson seems to know. He’s always beside him, both of them locked away securely inside one of their bathrooms. He’s surprised that neither roommates have noticed both of their absences, but after all it’s only been a week and a half of this so far.

But it’s getting worse.

He can physically _feel_ the changes and weight he carries now, along with the mental and emotional turmoil he’s constantly having to wade through to have one clear, cohesive thought.

Jaebum smiles at Youngjae and reassures him that he’s fine when the other man realizes he’s more winded than usual from his usual jog. 

_“I’m all fine, I just didn’t sleep well last night.”_ He’d reassured him with a soft smile, knowing Jackson is staring him down in the background, but choosing to ignore it entirely. It’s not an entire lie, he _has_ been sleeping horribly. Last night though, last night was the worst he’s ever gotten, it became painful to breathe the moment he tried to coax the parts of the growing flower in his lungs up. Where it usually would have taken him only around thirty minutes to force everything up and catch his breath, it had taken nearly two hours for Jaebum to calm down from his panic and for his breathing to finally return to normal.

Youngjae still seems worried, but nods a tiny bit and sends a slight smile back to him and goes back to taking sips out of his water bottle. 

He catches Jinyoung’s stare the moment he looks back up, a glint hiding into those eyes that Jaebum can’t recognize.

He looks away and downs more water before calling for them to regroup and go over the moves again.

It begins to get worse in the next few days, Jaebum isn’t able to bend at the waist much anymore without groaning in pain, passing it off with a soft chuckle that it’s just because he’s sore or that he slept wrong. 

He becomes uncontrollably weighed down and he knows this is the blaring warning sirens that Jaebum is about to cross into uncharted territory, dipping into a state that he might never be able to come back from, much less recover fully from. 

Yugyeom notices, sends him concerned stares when Jaebum doesn’t eat much at dinner for the second night in a row, and that fake, reassuring smile reappears on his lips. 

Yugyeom, unlike Youngjae, doesn’t buy into it one bit and sends him back a tense lift of the corner of his lips. 

Guilt builds even farther.

He never wanted the others to have to get involved.

Halfway through the month Jinyoung catches him in the kitchen, grabbing him and Jackson drinks for their usual movie night all together.

“Jaebum?” 

He nearly jumps out of his skin, and it takes a moment longer than it usually would for him to slip back on his convincing facade of nothing being out of place. He lets out a soft “Hm?”, getting the two beers in his hand and reluctantly turning around. 

“What’s going on? You’ve been distant for the past few weeks.” Jinyoung asks, taking a step closer, and it takes everything in Jaebum not to flinch and run away. “Did I do something that upset you? You know you can talk to me, right?” He says, and the clear hurt in his eyes nearly destroys Jaebum right then and there.

“I know, I just haven’t been feeling that great.” He lies, not knowing what else to say, and when Jinyoung takes another hesitant step towards him, he can feel his body giving out again now that he’s up close. So close, but just out of reach. 

“We’ve missed you, all of us. _I’ve_ missed you, something’s changed between us and I just… I miss you.” Jinyoung says, and that’s all it takes for the guilt and panic to slam back into him full force, his vision becoming spotty as his breathing picks up, knowing he needs to calm down, but he can’t manage to do it at all.

It doesn’t take a few more seconds before the beer bottles slip out of his hand, the sound of glass breaking echoing through the entire house before Jaebum slips under, blacking out and falling to the ground. 

He’s already unconscious by the time he hits the ground, he doesn’t see Jinyoung’s horrified face or hear the way he desperately screams for Jackson to help him. 

  
  


When he slowly wakes up he realizes he’s in his own bed, but there’s voices all around him.

“-it’s not… I’m just trying… just _listen!-”_

“-why wouldn’t… he’s _hurt-”_

“-He’s _dying_ Jackson… mad-”

He can only catch every few words, his hearing going in and out or a few moments before his body comes back online. 

The lamp beside his bed is way too bright to his eyes at first, so it takes him a few tries to finally get his senses to work like they’re supposed to.

Everyone seems to be gathered at the end of his bed, most eyes turned on Jinyoung, everyone looking irritated or exhausted. 

Jaebum shifts up to his elbows, propping himself up weakly before Jackson is at his side in a split second supporting his upper back. 

The arguing halts as soon as they realize he’s awake, everyone staring at him with a mix of emotions. 

“Okay, everyone out. He’s awake.” Mark says, his voice hard and Jaebum finally notices the tension weighing heavy in the room. The youngest go first, Yugyeom’s eyes are rimmed red and BamBam’s entire body is slouched. “Jackson. You too.” Mark insists and Jackson looks extremely reluctant to leave him, but he eventually does stand back up and head towards the door, sending him one last concerned glance before leaving the room with Youngjae and Mark trailing behind, the door shutting behind them. 

“Jaebum..?” Jinyoung’s voice echoes through the room, and his attention snaps back to him, with his mind scrambled he hadn’t realized he’d stayed behind. 

_Oh no._

“Please don’t.” Jaebum breathes out, scooting back to rest his back against the headboard, pulling his knees up to his chest.

“We have to talk about it, you passed out.” Jinyoung scolds and even though he doesn’t want it to, his chest warms up at the fact that Jinyoung is so concerned about him. 

“It’s okay that you don’t love me like that, I’ll be okay.” Jaebum insists, but he doesn’t sound convincing even to his own ears. “I won’t force you to love me.”

“Jaebum, do you remember during the break we had in high school that I went away for a while?” Jinyoung suddenly asks, and Jaebum’s mind blanks, it taking more than a few seconds before he can even think back to that time, but once he manages to he knows exactly what he’s talking about. Jinyoung had gotten sick and had to go to the hospital, and Jaebum was worried out of his mind because it came out of nowhere. He reluctantly nods, not knowing why he’s bringing it up right now of all times. “I had hanahaki.” He says finally, and the revelation of that makes Jaebum’s head spin, his thoughts speeding through his brain. 

“Who was it?” He asks weakly, not knowing if he really wants to know the answer. 

_A selfish part of him wants to believe it was him, he was the one Jinyoung fell in love with, but he also knows what that would mean. Jinyoung doesn’t love him anymore even if he had, he’d gone in for surgery. You don’t leave surgery with those feelings intact._

“You, it’s always been you.” Jinyoung says, sitting down on the edge of the bed and that breaks something inside of Jaebum. The tiny bit of hope that had been in the smallest corner of his mind fizzling out of existence. 

A sob shakes through Jaebum as he feels flowers begin to dislodge and threaten to start to spill, the pain making him want to scratch at his throat and chest until it bleeds. 

_“It’s still there, we had to force it to become dormant again and cut some roots, but it’s still inside of me.”_ _  
  
_

Jaebum stills, finally looking at Jinyoung with teary eyes, not understanding why he’s still telling him things, all it’s going to do is rub the fact that Jaebum was _too late_ in his face. Jinyoung had caught it when he was still salvageable, but Jaebum… The flowers are already coming up whole, sometimes with stems, and sometimes with more than one bud attached. 

“It’s okay, I get it.” He manages to get out, coughing once as the tickle begins deep in his throat.

He watches as Jinyoung pauses, working through his own thoughts before speaking again, not making any attempt so far to reach out and comfort Jaebum. 

“Jaebum, I can still love you.” 

A bitter laugh echoes through the room as Jaebum feels blood begin to spot from his throat to his mouth. “If you could this wouldn’t be happening.” He spits, trying to force himself to take deep breaths, to stay conscious.

“I had to fall out of love with you on my own to stop it.” Jinyoung explains, audibly frustrated, and Jaebum really doesn’t want to hear it. “Everything is still there, everything can still start back up again.” 

“I don’t believe you.” Jaebum says honestly, coughing again, feeling a stem scratch at his throat and he moves to reach for the trashcan, but before he can get too far Jinyoung is doing it for him, gently handing Jaebum the trashcan and watching in silence as Jaebum coughs up the flower, having to reach into his mouth and yank it out before throwing it into the trash can, spitting out the blood seconds after. 

“They were cherry tree blossoms. Pink ones.” Jinyoung says, and that makes Jaebum pause, knowing he never talked too much about flowers, and for Jinyoung to have had the flower he always liked seeing on the streets passing by, that’s what grabs his attention. “It’s always been you, Jaebum. I never… I never thought you’d fall for me so I fell out of love with you for the both of our sake.” 

“Please just stop, you’re making this so much harder for me than if you-...If you just said you could never love me like that.” Jaebum pleads, his voice small, staring at the blood-soaked blossom in the bottom of the trashcan, the purple almost all covered by the crimson. 

“Jaebum we can still fix this, you don’t have to die, you just have to wait for me.” Jinyoung says stubbornly, and Jaebum can feel a headache coming on. 

“I’m okay, I’ve already accepted it. I’m not dragging any of you down with me.” He rejects, genuinely not wanting for Jinyoung to have to risk his own death to try to save Jaebum, because what if it _doesn’t work?_

“I’m not letting you die. You’re forgetting mine is only dormant, if _you_ die, so will I.” Jinyoung finally snaps, having enough of Jaebum’s arguing. “Give me two days, and if I can’t get the feelings to return, I’ll leave everything be.” 

Jaebum lifts his eyes from the flower at the words, meeting his eyes and easily getting lost in them. It’s a while before Jaebum has the breath to respond, but when he does, it’s just a small “Okay…”. He doesn't know what else to do at this point. Maybe Jinyoung can really fix everything, but Jaebum’s faith has run out a long time ago. “Two days.” He doesn’t tell Jinyoung that he isn’t sure if he’ll last those two days, because he’s on his last week. It’s about to hit the one year mark in four days, and he can slip under anytime now.

“I’m going to go call my doctor and make sure this will work, you need to rest, you only were out for about an hour.” He murmurs, moving to stand but Jaebum shoots out a hand, grabbing his wrist. 

“If they say that you could get hurt too, please don’t go through with this.” Jaebum pleads, and he sees a flash of something in Jinyoung’s eyes before a small, knowing smile finds its way to the corners of his lips, lifting them up.

“You’re too kind for your own good.” Jinyoung comments, standing and letting his eyes drag over Jaebum and the flower in the trashcan for a few moments longer than he’d usually allow himself to. “I’ll wake you up in a few hours with what I find out, for now get some sleep.” 

Jaebum reluctantly nods, letting Jinyoung take the trashcan and set it right at the side of the bed. 

Once his head is back on the pillow and the lamp turns off, Jaebum is out in seconds.

  
  


Jinyoung stays true to his word, he wakes up Jaebum a few hours later with a takeout box in his other hand, the scene feeling like déjà vu for Jaebum, just their positions flipped. 

This time, thankfully, his brain is back online and not clouded like it had been earlier, allowing him to talk and move much more freely. 

“What did they say?” He asks after a while of silence between them, picking at his food, unsure if he should eat much in the case that he needs to vomit later.

Jinyoung lets out a soft sound, sitting with his legs crossed up on the bed, trying to finish the bite as quickly as possible to answer. _It’s cute._ “He um… He said in my case it would work, if I opened myself back up to those feelings it would awaken the plant. He just… He doesn’t know if we have enough time to save both of us.” He says softly, and that is for the most part what Jaebum was expecting. 

He’s so far along, everything that comes up by now is coated in blood so he doesn’t have high expectations. 

_But… would it be that bad to have a taste of what killed him if he’s already lying in his own grave..?_

“If you want to, we can try anyways. It won’t hurt to try, the others agree. I’ve, uh-... I’ve got permission to clear our classes for medical reasons, we have time.” Jinyoung informs him and Jaebum’s eyebrows raise. 

“Don’t you have-”

“You’re more important.” Jinyoung says with a tone of finality, making Jaebum huff and shove a piece of broccoli into his own mouth. “I just- Do you actually want to try this? If you’re not comfortable with kissing or touching or anything it’s fine-”

“I’m okay with it.” He mumbles around the bite of food in his mouth, cutting off Jinyoung’s slight moment of anxiousness.

It’s quiet between them for a few minutes again before Jinyoung is the one who finally breaks the silence again. 

“Do you still not believe me about back then?” Jinyoung asks near a whisper, and that urges Jaebum’s eyes to shoot up, meeting Jinyoung’s instinctively and seeing the nervousness hidden there. 

It then hits Jaebum fully about what he’s talking about. Jinyoung was in love with him all those years ago enough to have to have _something_ done, but too in love to let it be removed completely because it would take away everything. That’s why he dulled when their friend group formed in Jaebum’s first year of college, that's why he wasn’t so clingy to Jaebum after he came back from the surgery. Jinyoung… He’s been suffering with this for _years,_ he’s had to look at Jaebum for _years_ and force himself not to fall back into a trap of love, because that would allow the plant to awaken. 

“I guess it makes sense thinking back, but I…” He trails off, getting lost in Jinyoung’s features before continuing. “You’re okay with me loving you? It isn’t weird-”

“I wanted you to love me back so bad back then, that’s why we didn’t take it all out. It’s a bit unreal now that I know you do, but it’s not an offensive thing at all.” Jinyoung reassures, and that’s the last push Jaebum needs to accept that this is happening; that they’re going to try to save both of them. 

_Even if this doesn’t save Jaebum, at least it will save Jinyoung._

  
  


He hates that Jinyoung has to see him like this.

Not even five minutes into the movie they’d put on after finishing eating Jaebum has another spell hitting him hard. Even with Jinyoung right here, right beside him, ready to try to love him back, his body _still_ is attacking itself. 

It’s one of the worst ones, a fit of coughing and gasping that he usually has to have Jackson by his side to make sure he can get everything out. 

This time though, Jinyoung reacts.

He’s by Jaebum’s side in seconds, helping keep the trash can steady as Jaebum tries to force everything up. If Jinyoung is genuinely telling the truth, then Jaebum’s guilt surges deeper, because he knows he could never sit next to Jinyoung while this happens in front of him. 

A hand rests on the small of his back, gently rubbing reassuring circles into his skin under his shirt, feeling completely different from when Jackson would do this for him. 

It feels better.

“You’re okay, you’re panicking right now ‘Beom. I need you to breathe with me, try to take deep breaths in between the coughing.” Jinyoung’s velvet voice echoes through the room, and as if compelled by magic, Jaebum’s body obediently does what Jinyoung asked without him having to fight himself. “There you go, you’re doing well, you’re so strong for handling this so well.” Jinyoung praises, and Jaebum's entire being lights up at that, his chest warming up abruptly enough that it makes him cough again. 

It shakes his entire body, and it doesn’t take long before tears prick at the inner corners of his eyes as some petals get stuck on his throat and don’t seem to budge even through the coughing. 

“Hey, calm down.” Jinyoung pipes up again, and Jaebum faintly registers him feeling the other man lean away before he’s back moments later. “Drink, it’ll help.” He insists and Jaebum’s brain is too foggy to even register what he’s said before there’s a water bottle pressed against his lips. 

He makes a small sound in his throat, tilting his head back enough to let Jinyoung pour water into his mouth. He swallows even though it hurts like hell, gasping lightly when the water clears up most of his throat and the stray petals mix with the water and flow down to his stomach, away from his lungs. 

“I’m sorry.” He rasps out once he feels his airways loosen enough to speak, his body exhausted again. 

Jinyoung makes a sound in disapproval at Jaebum’s words, shaking his head. “You have done nothing to be sorry for, I… I’d rather it be me seeing this then any of the others.” 

Jaebum thinks for a moment he heard Jinyoung’s tone dip into jealousy, but it was gone before he could give it a proper thought. 

“You shouldn’t have to see me like this, it’s disgusting.” He grumbles, staring down at the now pile of orchids, some petals and some fully formed flowers. 

“I’ve also smelled your morning breath and lived, so this isn’t too bad.” Jinyoung jokes, and just like that the mood is lifted, even if just the slightest. 

Jaebum grins a genuine, wide smile for the first time in the past few months as he barks out a laugh at Jinyoung’s jab. 

_God, he loves him so much._

They have to stay like that for a while, Jaebum doesn’t want to risk coughing everything up as soon as he moves and then getting blood everywhere.

After a little Jaebum finally feels okay again, most of the flowers are out by now and he’s not too worried about some lingering around.

“Okay, you can unpause the movie.” He murmurs, raising his hand to wipe his mouth but Jinyoung is quicker than him, batting away his hand and raising his own that has a tissue in it. 

Jaebum is stunned into silence at the act, his heart thundering in his chest as Jinyoung gets closer to wipe all the blood and spit away from his mouth. He watches him with wide eyes, letting Jinyoung tilt his head to the side with ease to get everything there. 

“You’re gorgeous…” Jaebum breathes out, his voice quiet enough to hope that Jinyoung couldn’t pick up what he was saying. Jinyoung’s eyes snap up to his in surprise, and Jaebum feels a ball of anxiety brew in his chest, not knowing if he should have said that _at all,_ even if they’re trying to get Jinyoung to fall back in love with him for both of their sake.

He’s about to speak up and take it back but Jinyoung decides to finally speak up after that beat of silence.

“Say it again.” He requests in a small voice, lowering his hand from Jaebum’s face to toss away the tissue into the trash can. “Say that again, Jaebum.” He insists, turning back to focus solely on Jaebum and said man feels like his heart is beating so loudly that Jinyoung might hear it too. 

“You’re gorgeous.” He lets out again, his volume higher this time so it’s easy to hear the words falling from his lips. “You’ve always been so, so stunning.” 

Jinyoung lets out a shaky breath not speaking in the moments after Jaebum stops. He isn’t prepared to see Jinyoung’s eyes turn glassy and for Jinyoung to scramble into his lap just like he used to way back then when they were just two kids in a small town. It feels odd at first just because it’s been so long since he’s had Jinyoung in his arms like this, but his body still remembers. Of course it remembers.

It takes a matter of seconds for Jaebum to rest his back against the headboard and wrap up Jinyoung in his arms, feeling Jinyoung’s face immediately go to the crook of his neck as a sob wracks through his frame. One of his hands fly to his back, rubbing calming circles there and the other wraps protectively around his waist, taking all of Jinyoung’s weight as the other clings to him.

“I think I've always loved you, I just never put the pieces together and realized it until a year ago.” He mumbles into Jinyoung’s hair, holding him through each set of sobs and shakes. 

He doesn’t know how long they’re there for, probably around a half hour, Jinyoung finally letting himself take the comfort offered and Jaebum happy to give him everything he has. 

The moment is broken when Jinyoung coughs.

He’s coughed in the half hour they’ve been here like this, but this one has weight to it, and it makes Jaebum’s heart drop. 

Then he coughs again, harder this time, shaking continuously now.

Jaebum is terrified, completely terrified, but he doesn’t know what else to do except hold Jinyoung and wait for something to happen that changes the situation.

The third cough sends him into a fit, his grip on Jaebum near bruising. It lasts for nearly ten seconds before Jinyoung gags, a horrible sound, and one hand leaves Jaebum’s arm. 

He pleads with any god that’s listening that this _isn’t_ what he’s thinking. 

His hopes plummet when Jinyoung’s hand leaves from his face, reaching around to open one of Jaebum’s hands and the moment he feels petals brush against his palm a shiver shakes through his torso. 

_Jinyoung wasn’t lying._

_He’s got it to come alive again._

Jaebum swallows over the lump in his throat, his eyes stinging violently as he gently curls his hand around the whole, all intact flower, one that’s fully bloomed. 

“We’re in this together now.” Jinyoung’s voice finally appears from his shoulder, completely scratchy and wet and _ruined._

Jaebum waits for the pain to bloom in his chest again like it had before when they first talked about this, the fear, but it never comes. He waits a while longer, listening to Jinyoung slowly calm down before he finally accepts what’s happening. 

_Jinyoung does love him._

_Jinyoung has already begun to affect Jaebum’s condition._

  
  


Now, with Jinyoung opened up to him, it’s like his mind and body are going crazy.

With Jinyoung this close it’s insane how easily his body responds to anything he does, it’s like he’s severely touch and attention starved even when that’s not true.

But Jinyoung… Oh he just opens up a can of worms with how easy it is for them to touch. He has no hesitation, and the moment they turn the movie back on and get under the covers Jinyoung plasters himself to Jaebum’s side. 

It startles Jaebum at first but he quickly adjusts to the familiar weight leaned against him. Both of them fall into a comfortable silence, watching the movie attentively. 

Well, at least _he_ is. Jinyoung, on the other hand, keeps shifting the smallest bit every few minutes, trying to get comfortable in his spot. It keeps putting Jaebum on edge because every time Jinyoung settles again he keeps getting closer making Jaebum’s heart skip a beat each time. 

The fifth time Jinyoung moves around Jaebum has had enough.

He squirms a bit in his spot, working to free his arm from in between them. He registers Jinyoung’s confused noise but Jaebum keeps his eyes locked on the screen, draping his arm over Jinyoung’s shoulders and urging him to take up the newly freed space. 

He hesitates at first, not doing anything at first before he’s pressing himself against Jaebum’s side like it’s _his_ spot, like he owns the space there. And maybe he does, Jaebum wouldn’t mind because the weight is so much more comforting this way.

Jinyoung rests his head on Jaebum’s shoulder, both of his arms snaking around his middle and holding on there like Jaebum will disappear if he doesn’t. It takes a bit more shifting around from both of them, but before he knows it Jinyoung is letting out a sigh and completely melting against Jaebum, making his body in turn flood with warmth. 

“When did you realize it?” Jinyoung asks quietly, just barely audible over the movie still playing. 

Jaebum knows what he’s talking about, it’s clear what kind of answer he wants, but it takes Jaebum longer than it should to form words around what he remembers. 

“I think it was when we were in the apartment that one week and I woke you up with takeout.” He admits, his voice a small mumble as he feels himself relax alongside Jinyoung. “That night I had the first petal come up.” 

“Ah, I remember that morning.” Jinyoung hums, turning to look up at him and Jaebum makes the mistake of moving his head to look at him again, ending up just barely an inch away from Jinyoung’s face. 

That seems to stun both of them, silence blanketing the room for a long moment.

“Jaebum…” Jinyoung whispers, and Jaebum has to draw in a shaky breath to steady himself. “Jaebum, can I kiss you?” He asks, his voice barely audible, but the way his eyes flicker to Jaebum’s lips is strikingly loud. 

All Jaebum can do is nod, and that seems to be the only thing holding Jinyoung back, because not even a second later Jinyoung’s lips are ghosting over his, both of them hesitating before fully diving in. 

Jinyoung’s lips feel like heaven against his own, it’s so much more than he ever let himself dream of. He feels like this is a dream, somehow, because he feels so light he might as well be floating. 

The kisses stay innocent the entire time, slotting their lips together and drawing out each movement repeatedly. It doesn’t take long for Jaebum’s lungs to ache though, and he had to pull away to breathe, entertaining Jinyoung for a second as he chases after his lips with a whine in his throat before separating from him and resting with his forehead against Jinyoung’s.

“Fuck…” He murmurs, trying to catch his breath with a bit of difficulty because of the strain on his lungs. Maybe he shouldn’t do this that much, he doubts his lungs can make out. God, he wishes he could though. 

“Who’ve you been kissing to be this good at it?” Jinyoung grumbles, sounding winded but not near what Jaebum is dealing with. He almost sounds _jealous,_ and it makes Jaebum pause, watching Jinyoung closely before speaking. 

“Does that bother you?” He asks quietly, moving so he can look at Jinyoung properly but not taking back his arm. 

“Maybe.” Jinyoung says with a soft pout, and just the simple image of it makes him want to kiss him again. 

“You don’t have anything to worry about now, I don’t think I could ever fall in love with someone else, you’ve got me.” He murmurs, pressing a light, quick kiss to Jinyoung’s lips, and that wipes the pout away. “I would never lie about something like this, you know that.”

That seems to calm Jinyoung down fully, the other melting back into leaning on him. It’s easy from then on to relax next to each other, both of them mostly on the same page right now. 

Jinyoung ends up staying with him like he’d said earlier, but the difference between tonight and how they were before is there. 

“You’re sure this is okay with you..?” Jinyoung asks as he slowly makes his way under the covers in the same bed as Jaebum, who’s already settled and comfortable. 

“It won’t be weird unless you make it weird.” Jaebum comments, moving to make more room for Jinyoung to lay.

It feels odd for them to be sleeping in the same bed, but it’s such a familiar, comforting feeling to be this close to Jinyoung again. They haven’t shared a bed in years, at least not like this. They’ve been distant for years now, the affection they’d shown when they were younger had disappeared after Jinyoung came back from his hospital visit, and at least now he knows why.

Jinyoung squirms a bit once he gets in his spot, but after he seems to be content with where he is he reaches over and pulls Jaebum to him.

Jaebum willingly goes, moving closer with a soft chuckle as Jinyoung gets a hold of him and limbs wrap around him. When Jinyoung hides his face away in the crook of his neck Jaebum ignores the ache in his chest, not knowing if it’s good or bad.

“If this works and we make it out, what… What would we be?” Jinyoung asks, his voice nearly too quiet for Jaebum to hear; if he wasn’t so close that he could feel his breath against his neck then Jaebum wouldn’t have caught it at all.

“What do you want us to be?” Jaebum asks, one hand going to rub his back soothingly out of instinct. “I’m happy with whatever you’ll give me.” He admits weakly, not really wanting to stay platonic, but if that’s what Jinyoung wants he’ll do it. 

“I want everything.” He murmurs, moving to press a kiss to Jaebum’s neck as it makes said man jerk a bit. He didn’t mind Jinyoung’s affection, he loves it, but out of nowhere it’s shocking. “I… I want to be yours. I don’t know if we _can,_ but I want to try to date you.” Jinyoung finally discloses and those words steal Jaebum’s breath away. 

It feels unreal to hear Jinyoung say that; he’d come to accept that he’d never be loved back in the past year. “You’re serious?” He asks, needing to make sure, needing to be certain that Jinyoung wants this. 

“I am.”

“Fuck…” Jaebum murmurs as warmth spreads violently through his chest. “Fuck, okay. I want you, I _really_ want you.” He breathes out, urging Jinyoung to look up at him for this. “No one honestly _can_ keep us apart, you’re the only person that can help me and I’m the same with you.” Jaebum reasons and Jinyoung’s eyes flash with understanding, looking like he just realized how sensitive both of their cases are now. 

“You’re right.” He comments, nodding once. “We need each other, the plants… the flowers will wilt and die, right? We have to get it out somehow, so will that... Will it hurt more? Something has to happen, right?” Jinyoung rambles, resting his head on the same pillow that Jaebum’s is on. 

“I… I guess so. I’ve haven’t heard of what happens after, but yeah, something has to happen.” Jaebum agrees, moving to brush Jinyoung’s bangs out of his eyes. “We can look into it tomorrow, for now though we need sleep.” Jaebum reminds, and Jinyoung hums before tucking himself back against Jaebum, getting comfortable again.

“You will be here when I wake up, right?” Jinyoung asks, catching Jaebum momentarily off guard at the random question.

“I will.” Jaebum reassures, moving to press a kiss into Jinyoung’s hair, just barely there, but Jinyoung melts into his frame at the light feeling nevertheless.

  
  


“I’m sorry, but it’s unlikely Mr. Im will improve soon.” The doctor speaks through Jinyoung’s phone. Somehow, it doesn’t hit Jaebum hard like it does Jinyoung, the other man clinging to his hand, his grip on Jaebum’s getting nearly painfully tight. “It seems to have stunted the growth and rampage, but a case as severe as both of yours is always better to prepare for the worst.” 

Jaebum knew that, he knew how bad he is but in that moment he realizes Jinyoung might not have. His case was labeled terminal two months ago.

“Can we still save him? Can I still save him?” Jinyoung asks, an edge of desperation lingering in his voice that Jaebum has never heard before. 

“Possibly.” The man says after a slight pause. “You two would have to spend every moment possible together, and even then it might not be enough.” 

“Well, what do we have to do to make him survive? There has to be something!” Jinyoung fusses, frustration bubbling to the surface from how the doctor is phrasing everything.

“It depends on the different levels of love you both have.” The man explains, and in Jaebum’s mind it makes sense. You can have simple, platonic hanahaki, you can have lustful hanahaki where you just fall in love with the idea of the person, or you can be like Jaebum is, in love completely, no doubt in his mind that it’s not a romantic attraction and he can bet Jinyoung is sure as well.

“Okay…” Jinyoung breathes out, scrubbing his free hand over his face, an exhausted expression weighing down his features. “So for now all we can do is stay together and hope it stops soon?”

 _“Yes, unfortunately.”_ The man reluctantly replies, and Jaebum stays silent as he’s done the entire call Jinyoung put on speakerphone. 

There isn’t much left to the conversation, Jinyoung slowly but surely letting the weight of his emotions weigh down his voice. By the time they hang up Jinyoung looks like he could use more sleep.

“It’s okay.” Jaebum tries to reassure, but he quickly realizes that’s the wrong approach when Jinyoung’s head snaps to him, a fire blazing in his eyes. 

“ _No._ It’s _not_ okay Jaebum! I-” Jinyoung cuts himself off with an irritated groan, his eyes leaving Jaebum’s face. “I want to save you.” He murmurs, his voice significantly quieter this time around when he speaks for the second time.

“You don’t need to focus on saving me, having you here is already making things a hundred times better.” Jaebum says, his voice soft as he tries to calm him down even though he’s terrible at this sort of thing usually.

“Stop being such a sap, I’m going to worry about you, regardless. I always have and always will.” Jinyoung grumbles, letting Jaebum move him over so that their sides are flush against each other, both of them on the couch and Jinyoung’s phone on the table in front of him. 

Wrapping Jinyoung up in his arms comes naturally to Jaebum, going through the effort to act on the things he doesn’t know how to put into words. “I can handle myself- there’s nothing we can do, so it’s not worth getting this upset over.” Jaebum tries again, and finally that seems to break through to Jinyoung and get him to recognize that neither of them (nor anyone else) can snap their fingers and magically make them both healthy again.

“I just… I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you.” Jinyoung mumbles, tucking his face into Jaebum’s shoulder and that makes his entire chest ache dully, but the bright side is that usually something of that nature would send him doubling over in pain. Jinyoung is helping, he just doesn’t realize how much he is, or how much it means to Jaebum.

“It’ll be okay.” Jaebum reassures, lying straight through his teeth because he knows it will not be okay even if they halt the growth. He isn’t sure if it will be okay, he actually doubts it.

But Jinyoung needs him; he needs Jaebum to comfort him and Jaebum can do it.

He can.

  
  


Somehow, Jaebum’s body takes mercy on him and he doesn’t get flung into another attack as they move through their day.

It’s already past noon and neither of them have eaten anything yet, so when Jinyoung suggests just ordering out again Jaebum easily agrees.

He’s already on the couch, waiting for Jinyoung to get back from where he’d left to go greet the delivery person and bring back their food. Jaebum can hear him talking to the stranger, his voice light and polite before the door shuts moments later.

The apartment is quiet for a few seconds other than a plastic bag crinkling, before Jaebum hears something heavy hit the floor. 

Jaebum’s heart drops, and he’s on his feet and running towards the noise in seconds without even having to think about it. 

His mind is at the worst scenario, where it’s _Jinyoung_ he will find on the floor, and he’s already in the middle of preparing himself when he turns the corner and sees Jinyoung looking at him with wide, questioning eyes. 

Jaebum pauses, confusion quickly washing over him before he finally looks down. 

Oh.

Jinyoung has the conscience to look guilty, and he looks like a puppy caught doing something bad right now. He’s staring down Jaebum with the bag still in his hand, feet still securely on the ground, and the entire shoe rack dumped in front of him, everything spilled out. 

“God…” He groans, his frame deflating. “God, you scared me.” Jaebum says, moving close to him and pulling him close and wrapping his arms around Jinyoung, letting himself push past his own barriers and act on his instincts just this time. Just this one time. 

“What do you mean? I just-” Jinyoung begins, not registering what’s going on in Jaebum’s mind until after he’s wrapped up in Jaebum’s arms. “Oh, you thought something happened?” Jinyoung asks, wrapping his free arm around Jaebum’s torso. “My foot just snagged the corner, I’m okay.” He reassures, and it calms Jaebum a decent bit. 

“I just thought you’d…” Jaebum tries to speak, but his voice quietly fails him. It takes a little while longer for him to regain back his composure, but it happens thankfully. “Sorry, I just panicked.” He murmurs, feeling Jinyoung press a kiss to his temple.

“It’s fine, we’re both all right.” Jinyoung says with a soft huff of a laugh, letting Jaebum take his time before he’s ready to let go.

It takes longer than Jaebum would like to admit for him to get his heart rate down again, but once he does he pulls back from Jinyoung, drawing away his arms. 

An apology is on the tip of his tongue, risking a quick glance up to Jinyoung’s face but that entirely wipes the words from his brain. 

Jinyoung looks upset, but not in a worrisome way, more so in a way that shows he’s just realized something. 

“You worry that much about me?” Jinyoung asks quietly, catching Jaebum off guard by how the words are delivered. “I mean- you came _running_ because you thought I collapsed, right?” He corrects, and Jaebum can feel the heat rise to his cheeks. 

“I-... Well… I didn’t _know_ what happened, but I knew you could have gotten hurt.” Jaebum reluctantly admits, and a small, bashful smile pulls its way onto Jinyoung’s lips. 

“I didn’t know you’d ever react like that.” Jinyoung admits, and even though Jaebum still takes the tiniest bit of offense to that, he understands why he believes that. Jaebum has never outright let any of the guys see him in the middle of a high panic situation, always having to keep his cool to not allow the others to slip further into their own panic, so that’s why Jinyoung wouldn’t know just how much things and situations affect him. 

“All right.” Jinyoung’s voice breaks through his thoughts again with ease, making Jaebum blink a few times in surprise. “Help me clean this up and then you can worry all you want as we eat, I’m hungry.” 

A laugh ripples through Jaebum at that, the way Jinyoung dismissed what he himself said so quickly making a bright grin slip onto his lips as he agrees easily.

With everything completely out in the open about both of them Jaebum can’t really say if it’s a good or bad thing.

He’d never have come running if they weren’t where they are now, he’d have been too terrified and frozen to.

But now… Maybe loving Jinyoung is just as dangerous as it is a relief.

Other than that scare, everything goes well through the afternoon.

It’s not as awkward and uncomfortable as the first day, both of them seem to have settled into the change in the air between them. Everything has always come naturally to the both of them, and this isn’t any exception. 

Jinyoung sleeps in the same bed again the second night.

He seems more than happy to pull Jaebum towards him, both of them finally under the blankets and lights off. After Jinyoung gets settled on his back he fully pulls Jaebum close, urging Jaebum to drape himself over Jinyoung’s frame.

Jaebum does so willingly, humming contently adjusting to where he’s draped across Jinyoung, half of his body weight on top of him. It’s odd, the feeling is new to him but it’s not _bad._ Jinyoung is actually pretty comfortable to lie against.

It doesn’t take long before Jaebum slips into sleep, not needing much time to drift off at all.

Faint sounds of coughing wake Jaebum up. 

He almost doesn’t register it, but instinctively Jaebum reaches over for Jinyoung’s side of the bed. 

It’s cold.

Jaebum’s mind immediately awakens, grabbing at the sheets to make sure Jinyoung isn’t there.

It takes a little before he’s able to sit up, his mind still fogged over but he manages. He quickly confirms that he’s alone, scrubbing a hand over his face and rubbing his eyes before willing himself out of bed. 

It doesn’t take long for him to trace the sounds, leading him to the hall bathroom. 

He lifts his hand to knock at the closed door, his emotions quickly coming back online as he hears another set of coughs. 

He doesn’t get an answer at first and he waits a few seconds before reaching for the doorknob and gently opening the door. 

He… He isn’t prepared in the slightest to see what he does. 

Jinyoung is sitting propped up against the bathtub, blood smeared on one side of his mouth and eyes closed. He’s still conscious, thankfully. It only takes a few seconds for Jaebum to get to him, his own heart feeling like it could beat out of his chest as he spots a few stray petals on the floor. 

“Jinyoung, c’mon, you need to sit up better.” He says, not getting his voice louder than just enough to not be whispering. “God, why didn’t you wake me up?” He fusses under his breath, watching as Jinyoung’s eyes flutter open and stare at Jaebum as he helps him readjust. “How long have you been in here?” He questions, checking him over once more before reluctantly moving away and going to wet a washcloth.

“Not that long. Probably less than five minutes.” Jinyoung speaks, his voice scratchy and ruined and it feels like the hardest blow Jaebum’s ever taken. He doesn’t know exactly what to do, he doesn’t know how to help him in the best way, but he still returns with the washcloth and begins cleaning where small bits of blood have gotten on his face. 

“You’re worse.” He comments, his voice still soft but now holding an edge to it, the panic inside of him blaming himself for letting Jinyoung free the disease again. 

“I’m okay, it’s mostly wilted petals, so it’s not growing or coming back alive in its entirety.” Jinyoung murmurs, letting Jaebum fuss over him and clean him up with a slight smile on his lips. He looks exhausted, making Jaebum wonder how long they’ve been asleep and what time it is. “I will be okay, it’s going to have to get worse before it gets better.” He comments like it is nothing and Jaebum’s eyes immediately snap to his, a glare sharpening his features. 

“Do you really think that will reassure me? You saying that you’re not worried about yourself?” Jaebum states bitterly, letting his hand fall away and turning away to clean up the bathroom. 

“It’s terrifying to me too, you know.” Jinyoung snaps back, having regained his breath enough to make Jaebum flinch with those words. “I’m beyond scared that I won’t- that I’m not going to be able to save you in time. That I can’t love you enough.” 

Jaebum feels his heart drop to the ground. 

“It’s just as hard for me, but you’re the one that needs to be focused on. Why don’t you understand that?” Jinyoung fusses, sounding completely frustrated, tugging on Jaebum’s hand that’s still clutching the wet washcloth. 

“I can’t not focus on you.” Jaebum hisses, giving in and sitting down fully on the bathroom floor but still not looking at Jinyoung, too afraid of what he might see. “I just- I need you to be okay.” 

“I am okay.” Jinyoung protests, but Jaebum feels like he isn’t listening to him at all. 

“I won’t be able to handle it if you aren’t.” Jaebum says, the fight draining out of him, reminding himself how sleepy he’d been a minute ago. “You don’t get it. If something happens to you I don’t think I could handle it. I don’t know what would happen to me without you.” 

Jinyoung pauses, staring Jaebum down for a long while before his features soften. 

“Okay.” He murmurs and Jaebum lets out a breath in relief that he conveyed his thoughts well enough for them to be understood. “I should be fine now, I think I got it all up.” Jinyoung adds on, moving to stand and Jaebum follows him up, letting him lean against his side when Jinyoung wavers on his feet. 

He’s about to say something, probably about to insist that Jinyoung isn’t okay, he can’t stand on his own right now, but Jinyoung beats him to it. 

“This takes a lot out of you, doesn’t it?” He asks lightheartedly, surprising Jaebum at how easily he changed the mood yet again in between them.

He can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of him at the irony of Jinyoung having to get used to what he’s been doing for a year now. 

“Let’s get you back to bed, I’m still tired.”

  
  


Jaebum makes it past the one year mark days later. He hits the anniversary of the first petals and doesn’t tell Jinyoung why he’s off that day until he makes it through until the next morning. 

He’s never seen Jinyoung cry so much in relief. 

  
  


“Morning Mr. Im, Mr. Park.” The doctor greets them for the first time since they called him two months ago, Jinyoung still stiff and distrusting of the man for the doubt he’d fed the other. 

Jinyoung reaches over from his own seat and searches out Jaebum’s hand, lacing their fingers together for comfort. Jaebum was the one who wanted to come today, he knew they had to come as soon as possible because Jinyoung coughed up one fully bloomed, vibrant, very much whole and alive flower last night. 

Only one.

Jaebum thinks it’s the last one.

“If I’m honest, I’ve never seen a case like the two of yours before.” The doctor begins, sitting down on a chair and facing them with a soft smile, easing Jaebum’s nerves now that he can see the face that’s telling them their fate. “Usually people aren’t able to fall out of love, they aren’t persistent and determined enough, so when Mr. Park called me and told me he was reawakening the disease, please understand it was heavily concerning.” He explains, his hands folding together idly and Jaebum nods, not paying much attention to Jinyoung’s stoic stare and just squeezing his hand reassuringly. With the acknowledgement of one of them the doctor continues. “I had to explain the entire situation to the two of you. I’m sorry for any unnecessary fear I may have instilled, but it came from a place of caring about you both. You… You’re a miracle case, to put it simply.” 

That makes Jaebum’s mind blank. 

_Miracle case?_

“Thank you for putting trust in the process, you’ve helped me learn so much more about this disease and discover how situational it can be. From your example we may be able to save more lives than before.”

Warmth blooms in Jaebum’s chest. 

Not a bad kind, but the feeling of being proud they made it this far. 

The worst is over.

Jinyoung is cleared that day through x-rays. There are no traces of the once rampant disease inside of his lungs.

Jaebum is not. The plant is still very much so hanging on, but it’s become so much weaker, the flowers are lilting and lose their life source.

That’s all he could ask for, honestly. He’s not actively dying; Jinyoung has somehow saved him.

Jaebum’s mind blanks the moment they get home.

He’s in the middle of taking off his shoes when he feels lips pressed to his own, stealing a kiss and before he can even register what’s happening Jinyoung is slipping away. 

“What- Hey!” He loudly complains, reaching for him with half of his shoe off. Jinyoung moves away out of arm's reach with a soft laugh, making Jaebum stumble after him, one shoe on and one off.

He’s winded by the time he catches Jinyoung after a few minutes of cat and mouse running through their apartment, but not nearly as out of breath as he would have been before.

“Your flowers, they’re getting better, aren’t they?” Jinyoung asks in a small voice that night just as Jaebum is about to fall asleep, drawing a confused noise out of the man in question. “You’re getting better, right? I just- I don’t know what else to do to help-”

“Hey.” Jaebum breathes out, bringing a hand up to reassuringly run his fingers through the other’s hair. “It’s okay, mine is just stubborn. You’re helping me so much, you just can’t see it.” He verbally comforts, and just like that Jinyoung melts against him again. 

He’s been worried about what he’s able to do for Jaebum since that night in the bathroom; he doesn’t believe that he’s doing all he can. It takes a while usually to bring him down from when he gets stuck in his head like this, but thankfully this time it’s better and easier. 

“I’m recovering, it’s okay. I’ll be okay.” He speaks up again after Jinyoung doesn’t try to respond in the seconds between. “We’ve got you free, so I bet it won’t take long for me to follow.” 

Jinyoung makes a small sound in his throat in acknowledgement, knowing better than to argue about Jaebum’s health to him by now. It’s a sensitive subject to both of them, and right now isn’t the best time to bring it up. 

Jaebum makes it two days until he’s hit with another attack.

It’s the longest he’s ever gone between them, actually, so when it hits, it hits _hard._

Jaebum doesn’t feel it coming in the slightest, curled up on their couch watching a cooking show they stumbled upon. 

It more so slams into him, making him double over with a rough cough, gagging at the intensity. 

He can hear Jinyoung call out his name in a panicked tone, and he still has the mental energy to reach over and hold his hand, trying his best to comfort him at the same time as he feels like he will cough up a lung. 

Jinyoung’s free hand finds its way to his hair, keeping it out of his face as the first petal falls from his lips. 

They both go quiet for seconds, staring down at the dried petal for the first time not coated in any amount of blood, until Jaebum gets hit even harder, gagging again, feeling something more than petals trying to dislodge from his windpipe. 

It’s the worst pain and uncomfortable feeling he’s ever had to experience, and he will have to apologize later for squeezing Jinyoung’s hand this tightly. 

His body seems to take over, fight or flight clouding his senses as his breathing momentarily becomes blocked as the thing enters his throat. He gets it into his mouth and abruptly yanks it out and throws it to the ground, his breathing still labored, but changed enough to make his lungs feel lighter. 

There, in front of him, is a coiled up ball of messy roots, a few dead petals trapped in the mess. 

He doesn’t get but a few seconds of peace before there is a second wave hitting, knocking him over harder than the first. 

This one takes longer than the first to come up, it really doesn’t want to move, and his windpipe doesn’t want to let another piece pass through, but Jaebum manages to get it to the back of his throat minutes later. 

When he realizes he can’t force it further naturally, he steels himself and reaches into his mouth, tugging the roots free and feeling like he will puke at any second. He really shouldn’t have eaten takeout an hour ago, if he knew this would happen he _wouldn’t_ have.

When the offending object leaves his mouth and joins its counterpart on the wooden floor in front of the couch Jaebum feels like he can’t breathe in an entirely new way. 

That’s a ball of stems mixed in with roots that are still attached, and every single flower there is dead.

The apartment goes dead silent with the only sound between them being Jaebum’s recovering breaths.

“I think…” Jinyoung breaks through the quiet timidly, trailing off when Jaebum lifts his eyes tiredly to meet Jinyoung’s beside him. “I think that might be the last of yours. Everything might have come up.”

Jaebum draws in a deep breath, and even with the ache and shallowness of his lungs gone, he doubts he’s in the clear. 

_He hasn’t coughed up an entire alive flower like everyone does that signals the end._

Jaebum just smiles weakly and leans over, tucking his face into Jinyoung’s shoulder and closing his eyes.

That train of thought can wait until he’s not in pain and exhausted from basically vomiting up an entire flower from his lungs. 

Jinyoung drags him out of bed at 6 AM on the dot, insisting for him to get dressed because they’re the first people the doctor is going to see today. 

Jaebum didn’t even know Jinyoung called them last night, he doesn’t even know when he even sneaked away to do it, but he goes along willingly, still feeling the effects from last night weighing him down. 

His throat hurts, he doesn’t really want to speak so as soon as the doctor walks into the room he’s eternally grateful that Jinyoung steps up this time and does the talking for both of them.

“So, Mr. Park, Mr. Im expelled what appeared to be an entire plant last night, correct?” The doctor asks, turning to them as he adjusts himself in his seat, sending Jaebum a reassuring smile. Jaebum returns it wholeheartedly. 

“He did. He… He had nothing come up in the two days prior, so it was a surprise to us both with how hard it hit him.” Jinyoung responds, his voice still having a lingering timidness, but otherwise it’s blanketed in confidence.

“The roots, were they still searching out or were they shriveled and curled in?” The doctor asks, writing something down on the papers in front of him, and Jaebum’s eyes follow every movement of the pen even though he can’t even begin to tell what’s being written there. 

“They were dead. Almost all of them were fragile enough to break if you held them firmly- but that’s the thing; the entire plant was dead.”

The doctor stops writing. 

It’s quiet between everyone for a few seconds before the pen moves again, and a few more seconds pass before the man finally speaks up.

“It has been four days since you came here last, correct?” He asks, glancing over to the two of them and Jinyoung nods, making a noise in conformation. The pen is sat down on the page and the doctor fully turns his attention towards the two, and Jaebum is having a tough time _not_ being intimidated by not knowing what the doctor is getting at.  
“If my presumptions are correct, I believe Mr. Park killed your disease in the days since his body was freed of his own.”

Jaebum’s world freezes, full record scratch, and if it were a movie, it would be time to monologue how he got here. 

“Kill?” Jinyoung blurts out, clearly as shocked as Jaebum is. “He was healing, wasn’t he? How would I be able to _kill_ that plant inside of him?” 

“You two are already a miracle case, so I wouldn’t dismiss the possibility that once your body was freed of the plant leeching off of your energy, your feelings may have intensified even further.” The doctor explains, and slowly, this is making sense to Jaebum. “You could love Mr. Im freely once the plant left, and possibly, it was enough to overwhelm and overpower the disease inside of him.”

“I don’t understand- how-”

“I believe it.” Jaebum interrupts, a small, giddy smile creeping onto his lips. “If anyone could do something like this, it’d be one of us.” 

“But- But I didn’t even do anything out of the normal! Nothing changed!” Jinyoung quietly protests, looking back and forth between Jaebum and the doctor, who seem to be on the same page of understanding. 

“Well, there’s only one way to find out for sure. We can take Mr. Im in for x-rays again and compare them to last time.”

Jaebum doesn’t understand when the doctor comes back with the results nearly thirty minutes later. He doesn’t believe him.

“Gone.” He repeats, his voice horribly scratchy. “It _can’t_ be gone.” Jaebum insists firmly, shaking his head in disbelief.

“It seems so.” The doctor says, moving to the computer and clicking around a few times before turning the screen towards them. “Here you can see the first x-ray and the one taken a few minutes ago.” He points out and as soon as Jaebum sees the images side by side he feels his chest ache all over again. 

It’s jarring. There is a complete visible change from one to the other. 

On the left there are bold lines, the entire wilting flower visible inside of both of his lungs. It’s obvious it isn’t a healthy plant, but it’s still there.

On the right, it is dark except the light shadow of his rib cage. 

Jaebum doesn’t know what to even think. 

He’s terrified.

“So the plant is gone.” Jinyoung breathes out beside him, leaning forward and sounding completely in awe. “It’s gone there, the entire root system and blooms and everything.” 

“It is.” The doctor confirms, turning the screen back to himself but Jaebum can’t seem to move his eyes away from the back of the screen. “I believe that what happened last night was the plant removing itself. Of course we need to be careful, but I believe you are on the home stretch of healing from your hanahaki.” He explains and Jaebum’s mind barely keeps up. 

“So he’s safe..?” Jinyoung asks, shifting in his seat.

“Yes, from what we’re seeing he’s out of immediate danger.” The doctor reassures, and that’s when it finally clicks in Jaebum’s mind.

_He’s safe._

_The plant… The plant is gone now. It’s not a threat anymore._

_Jaebum isn’t terminal at all anymore._

As soon as Jaebum gets situated on their bed that afternoon for a nap Jinyoung is right there, pressing up against Jaebum’s body.

He does this occasionally when he’s feeling clingy, needing to get out of his head. Jaebum sincerely doesn’t mind usually, but right now, he does.

“Jinyoung- _Jinyoung move.”_ Jaebum grunts, trying to free his right arm from Jinyoung’s attack to pull the blankets up over them, one of his legs getting pinned between Jinyoung’s. “Just- Just let me get the blanket then you can have my attention.” He bargains, hearing Jinyoung grumble under his breath grumpily before allowing Jaebum to freely move.

He happily comes back when Jaebum wraps an arm around his torso, pressing back up to him as if he’s trying to steal all his warmth. 

Neither of them talk for a bit, both comfortable enough with each other by now to relax like this. 

“We made it.” Jinyoung murmurs and the gentle words draw him out of where he was dozing off. He makes a soft noise in agreement, but other than that he doesn’t offer much more of a reaction. “I can’t believe I killed your hanahaki.”

“If anyone could do something like that, it’d be you.” Jaebum grumbles, his voice low and quiet. He’s sleepy, today has been a long day, but he also knows that Jinyoung is most likely still replaying everything in his mind repeatedly.

“I don’t really think I outright killed it, I don’t think that’s possible.” Jinyoung mumbles, and that makes Jaebum’s mind wake back up more. 

“Hey…” Jaebum murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to Jinyoung’s hair. “You did it, you saved me. I’m on the path to recovering fully.” He reassures, shifting close to him and pressing another kiss on his temple. 

“I guess so.” Jinyoung grumbles, drawing out a chuckle from Jaebum. 

“Well I know so. Go to sleep, it’s been a long two days.” He urges gently, knowing Jinyoung must be exhausted, even more than himself, because of the constant worrying he’s been doing over Jaebum’s changing condition. 

Jinyoung grumbles further under his breath but thankfully doesn’t fight him on that, settling comfortably against Jaebum and tucking his face against his shoulder.

Jaebum doesn’t get his hopes up in the following days, or well, the following _week_ actually. It's hard for him to even comprehend that he coughed out a dead plant, much less that the entire thing is gone. 

Jinyoung on the other hand, he’s ecstatic about the news. Now, with both of their lungs freed, there’s nothing stopping them from kissing as long as they want to. It’s new, _very_ new at least to Jaebum, because he’s always expecting in the back of his mind that out of nowhere his chest will ache and he will need to pull away. 

But it never happens in the week following the doctor’s visit. Jaebum can slowly begin to feel his energy returning, slowly getting back to his old self before there was a plant leeching off his life. 

Even now, being able to just slide up behind Jinyoung while the other is cooking still seems so surreal, it still feels like it’s a dream and he will wake up any second now and it’ll all be taken from him. 

Jinyoung happily leans back against his chest as Jaebum’s arms snake around him, Jaebum resting his chin on the other’s shoulder and peering over to watch him cook.

“We need to go in for a checkup soon, he called yesterday while you were in the shower to see how we were holding up.” Jinyoung says easily, gradually finishing up what he’s doing to leave it for a few minutes to finish cooking. “You’ve gotten so much better since then, you know. You’re healing up pretty quickly.” Jinyoung adds and Jaebum just hums in acknowledgement, not knowing how else to react to those words. He can’t tell Jinyoung he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop, because that goes against everything he’d told Jinyoung in the beginning about worrying so much. 

He knows Jinyoung knows that _something_ is bothering Jaebum about the doctor's visit, but Jaebum isn’t going to outright say what it is willingly. 

“You still… You still want to be together now that we’re free from it, right?” Jinyoung’s voice snaps him out of the neutral head space, his pulse thundering under his skin immediately.

“What…” He speaks up, but his words leave him as soon as his voice becomes audible. Did Jinyoung think… that he was only in this to survive? “What are you talking about? _I love you._ Jinyoung I’m in _love_ with you, why wouldn’t I want you anymore?” He fusses, confusion and a tinge of hurt overwhelming him as his grip tightens on Jinyoung from loosely holding him to now having his arms firmly wrapped around his middle like Jinyoung is going to suddenly disappear in front of him. 

“I... “ Jinyoung begins, but Jaebum can hear the tint of doubt a mile away in his voice, and that nearly breaks his heart right then and there. 

“No, c’mon please-” Jaebum begins, his voice growing a desperate edge to it before he stops himself and gently urges Jinyoung to turn towards him, his grip loosening and hands falling down to rest carefully on Jinyoung’s hips. “I love you.” He states as a fact, because it is one, and when Jinyoung finally meets his eyes Jaebum finally sees the glossiness, tears building there dangerously. “Please don’t second guess this- _us._ I’m right here, if I didn’t want to be here I wouldn’t be. I promise I will not leave when everything clears up.” Jaebum reassures, bringing one hand up to gently brush through Jinyoung’s hair, a wobbly, reassuring smile pulling at his lips. “Please tell me you’re not having second thoughts about this- I’m not… I’m not sure I could handle that.” He admits weakly, but as soon as the words are out of his mouth Jinyoung is rapidly shaking his head.

“No! I- I’m not, I want to be with you. It’s just-...” Jinyoung trails off, breaking eye contact and by now Jaebum thinks his heart is loud enough for even Jinyoung to hear. “You could have so much better than me, you know?” 

Jaebum’s world stops.

He takes a few long moments to digest those words, but once he does, hurt flows through him. 

“You’re having second thoughts.” Jaebum repeats, his eyes growing wide. “All I ever wanted was _you_ , it’s always been you in one way or another. But I- If you- If this doesn’t feel right to you then I can’t stop you from-”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Jinyoung’s voice breaks through his panicked rambling, and Jaebum realizes at that point his hands are shaking where they’re touching Jinyoung. “I’ve always felt like you’re out of my league, ‘Beom. I just- I don’t want to hold you back.”

There's a few moments of confusion before the words register in his mind, and Jaebum breaks out into a light laugh.

He laughs so hard his head tilts back and his hands stop shaking. 

“ _You’re_ the one out of my league. I never even thought I’d be able to touch you like this.” He counters, a small, fond smile creeping onto his lips as the tension inside of him slowly melts away. “You’re not holding me back. You never have and never will manage that, I can promise you that.” He reassures, moving to brush a hand through Jinyoung’s hair. “Don’t scare me like that, I thought you were going to say you’re falling out of love with me or something.” He murmurs, the grin growing as the realization hits Jinyoung at how quickly Jaebum’s thoughts had dropped. 

“No, I doubt I’d even be _able_ to do that again. I just… I want to make sure I’m the one you want, that you’re positive you’re in this for the long haul.” Jinyoung explains, leaning into the touch contently. 

“Oh.” Jaebum murmurs, blinking a few times and trying to figure out _why_ Jinyoung even thought to ask that; has he not been showing that he wants Jinyoung enough? “I’m certain. It’s you, it’s always been you even when I didn’t realize it.” He reassures, the panic from seconds ago melting from his body. 

Jinyoung doesn’t look entirely convinced, but when Jaebum smiles brightly and confidently at him, that seems to relax him enough to let the topic go. 

Jaebum gets better over the next few days, it's almost startling how easily he’s able to bounce back as soon as his energy is returned. 

Nothing else happens like the minor scene in the kitchen, Jinyoung’s nerves seem to have calmed down significantly. 

The doctor brings them in for what he says might be their last visit, and that’s what it takes for their reality to finally hit him. Jinyoung killed his disease, and Jaebum extinguished Jinyoung’s. 

When the others find out at one of their movie nights, it’s like a firecracker went off suddenly. 

Jaebum barely has any time to register Jackson moving before he’s being smothered by his weight on top of him. 

He has to let go of Jinyoung’s hand, who’s sitting beside him on his sofa, to steady them and adjust Jackson’s weight so he won’t completely crush Jaebum in his excitement. 

Eventually the night winds down after the movie ends, and one by one each of the other guys heads home to make sure they get sleep for the night. 

“I’m tired.” Jinyoung murmurs, stretching out lazily next to him and drawing Jaebum’s attention effortlessly to him. He looks like a sleepy cat stretching out in the sunlight, it’s enamoring to Jaebum. 

“Let’s go to bed, then.” He suggests, letting out a dramatic noise when Jinyoung flops over against him. 

“Carry me.” Jinyoung suggests quietly, reaching over towards him and Jaebum easily catches one of his hands with his own and laces their fingers together. “I feel like I could sleep forever.” He grumbles, drawing out a laugh from Jaebum.

“Come over here and I’ll carry you.” He relents, another breathy giggle escaping him as Jinyoung messily climbs onto his lap, wrapping his limbs around Jaebum’s shoulders and waist. Jaebum lets out a slight grunt as he stands, steadying himself for a good moment before making his way to Jinyoung’s room- well, by now it’s _their_ room, Jaebum has basically moved into there all except his closet. 

“Tomorrow we can stay in and have a lazy day since we’re both off.” He murmurs, moving to set down Jinyoung on the bed. “Just you and me, all alone.” Jaebum teases, pressing a few kisses to Jinyoung’s face before joining him in bed and tossing the covers over them. 

“Sounds perfect.” Jinyoung murmurs, cuddling up to Jaebum and maneuvering him so that Jaebum’s limbs are draped over him with Jinyoung happily sprawled out on his back. 

“I love you.” Jaebum says idly, tucking his face contently against Jinyoung’s collarbones and shoulder. It’s been a long few months since everything started, and by now, the L bomb is dropped a few times in a day most of the time if they’re both home alone all day. 

“I love you too, go to sleep so you can cook for us in the morning.” Jinyoung mumbles out playfully, an arm winding around Jaebum’s waist securely, taking up that spot like that is it’s home. 

A light laugh escapes Jaebum at that, huffing as he shifts around to get fully comfortable before speaking again. “I never said I was cooking in the morning, you know.”

“But if I ask you to, you probably will.” Jinyoung dismisses easily, and a bright, loving grin pulls at Jaebum’s lips. 

“Yeah, I probably will.” He relents, feeling the drowsiness from their night in with all the others slowly grow and start to pull him under. 

If Jaebum wakes up to Jinyoung kissing him and requesting pancakes, no one has to know how easily he gets up and heads into the kitchen. 

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like i could have carried on adding to this fic for like another month, but i figured this was a good place to let it settle.  
> Hanahaki AUs used to be SO MUCH darker and death filled when they first came into the western scene, i kind of wish those type of fics stayed around more? Like hanahaki and selkie and aus like that.
> 
> if you catch anything I didn't just let me know! I don't beta my fics so it's just me combing through them, I'm bound to miss something lol. Feedback is always appreciated!!!  
> hopefully it won't be such a long pause in my writing this time, but who knows oof, I have a few in the drafts after all.
> 
> i'm on and off my [twitter](https://twitter.com/softency) most of the time, so if you want to come over and talk about the boys that's the best place to find me! <3


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